Single – That Wasn’t Me

The lead single released to support the Bear Creek album 2012.
Available on I-tunes digitally only at the time it was released. (not 7 inch vinyl)

In an inteview with NPR at the time on “All Songs Considered” she states “That conversation is happening from the perspective of the addict,” Carlile says. “Just reconciling that forgiveness, that process that happens once a person heals … You know, there’s a wake behind them. And a lot of times, their kids or their siblings or their parents are left in that wake. It’s really hard to balance that forgiveness process when you’re the one in the wake.” Brandi has said it’s about a close family member’s struggle with alcholism. She’s later discussed her father’s battle with alcholism as she was growing up.

However more recently at the solo show performed at The State Theatre in Portland, on the 13 February 2023, she introduced the song by elaborating on it’s true meaning…

“…I was raised by an alcoholic. My dad was an alcoholic and he finally got sober in my 20s and it’s stuck… he’s still sober. But I was raised in a AA, Al-Anon and Alateen and everything I was kind of steeped in that culture. It taught me so much -it was like therapy before anybody knows they need therapy.

And it was it was um you know a really important part of my narrative in my life and when my dad kept falling off the wagon and going back to alcohol he would abandon that culture after kind of like teaching us almost like it was a religion you know, to embrace it?

So it felt extra scary every time he wouldn’t be able to maintain his sobriety. Because not only was he drinking again but he was like just defying AA you know or Al-Anon. And when he finally did get sober I was a grown-up adult woman and he did it in a way that that he didn’t use AA. And he kind of had this like nonchalance about it like “yeah I’m sober now it’s cool”

But I remember thinking like “we have to process this!!” and, you know one thing you really learned at al-anon is that you know the person who hurts you isn’t always the person to help you and it’s not isn’t always the way that you find your way to healing.

And I remember I wrote this song as away for me to deal with the fact that we weren’t going to talk like that again we weren’t going to do AA in our family anymore and when I wrote this song and Iput it outall these alcoholics started coming tome. Feeling like that there was their song, like from their perspective and I was like “noooo this is my perspective and I’m complaining, but in a really evolved way you know!”

I love that this song it kind of fit both feet, this was a shoe for each of these perspectives to put on. And that’s what I love so much about it, I feel like it took on life of its own. And when Tanya Tucker covered it after her past with addiction it will never mean the same thing to me ever again and I just love this one if anybody needs it for healing purposes on other side of that aisle it’s for you.”

What the performance and introduction to that song below:

Rehersing for NPR recording in June 2012:

Read more “Drop the Needle” deep dive on other songs here.